Some days the world seems to spin in slow motion, then there are days where it seems like the world is spinning so fast it is trying to shove you off its edge as if you have fulfilled whatever usefulness you might once have had. These last few days seem like the latter. My head is filled with thoughts of things to do, how to actually get them done, what I want to do, what I don't want to do and finally what I need to do. Notice nowhere in here is there any mention of fun or joy or breathless anticipation, just seemingly unstated apprehension. How did this happen?
I'm getting ever closer to having my second hip replaced. A surgery that I now don't fear, but instead, am anticipating, if not breathlessly, at least with the knowledge that it will not only relieve me of this annoying pain and immobility. I'm pretty healthy, I just met with a retirement counselor who laid out the next couple of years and it looks for all the world that whistle will actually blow on the "5 O'Clock World" for me in the next few years and really then no one will own a piece of my time at any time during the day. Yet, melancholy, and apprehension are my constant companions. I feel as if I am running parallel to the life I want to live, that I can reach out and touch parallel "me" but the real me is not having a lot of fun.
Susan is going to have an Estro-Fest tomorrow and I am running away to MGM-Grand with the lovely Kate, my soon to be 30 year old daughter (no, I'm not that old, that's parallel "me" who's that old, I'm still just barely old enough to get into the casino!!). Nice dinner at Craftsteak, with any luck at all, enough winnings to cover the trip. Regardless, maybe the world will spin in sync with the fun side of the weekend.
It is, after all, just all relative.
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"A hole in the water, surrounded by fiberglass, into which one pours money"
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